Over Her dead body

Karens final choice 6dohdbLeena Dubois in her killer heels wanted to keep her meal ticket the wealthy Sandford Louis Brown but when he stepped out to meet his soulmate 80-something Ethel Peterson she had to do something desperate–like MURDER.


We reached the front of house, where the patrons were, fearfully silent. Amongst them were Lou, Karen and Christian looking frightened to death.  Junior Radison stood off to the side holding a rather large Sig Sauer. I still had the smith and Wesson my friend had dropped tucked in to my jeans under my sweatshirt.  I wouldn’t use  it if I didn’t have to but it was nice to know I had something to defending myself with. My escort having recovered some, pointed me toward my seat at a table set aside for the defendants. Jackie sat beside me but the other chair was empty.


Leena looked at me. “Yes it seems, Daddy Warbucks has yet to grace us with his presence. He’ll show up after one of the boys calls him to inform him we have you and his favorite sister in law in custody. I am sure he will step up to the plate for you, he usually does.  In the meantime, we’ll proceed.


These proceedings as they were, reminded me of my years at Camp Minnee Haw-Haw where we would hold a Kangaroo court and charge each other with silly crimes like hogging the shower too long, or some other stupid irritating habit. If found guilty, the defendant had to do another’s chores the next day, or stick our hands in what the judge referred to as ‘guck’ which turned out to be a raunchy mixture of scrapings from that nights dinner.  I highly doubted that I would get off that easy this evening, nor would Jackie.


Judge Julie droned on about how things would go, ending in my ultimate demise. The patrons were as assigned jury duty. This was a moot point as her highness had last say and Junior had an itchy trigger finger.

With this in mind, I was going to have a little fun with the judge. I whispered to Jackie, “Trust me I will handle this,”

Jackie nodded. “Why not, my dear sister, the judge, says we’re going to croak anyway.”


“If I may address the court, your Honor;  My co defendant and I choose to plead not guilty. However, as we know you to be my co defendant’s sister we request that you excuse yourself from the trial.


“And why would that be?”  Julie was looking every bit the diva in her designer duds and four inch heels.

“Fair trial in front of a jury of our peers, but what we are lacking is an unbiased judge; not exactly what you would call an even playing field is it?”

“I never said it was going to be fair. You’re guilty of sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Your co defendant is charged with being a traitor, turning against her own sister and daddy like that, all out of jealousy of course.  Delroy found out the hard way that you don’t mess with family like that. Jackie is taking a lot longer to get the point. She will, as will you and dear Sandy.”


“Yes dear Sandy,” I interrupted. “His only crime was falling for someone of his own age group.  You’re just pissed that you’re out of the loop.”


“His crime is alienation of affection and adultery.  He was schlepping the old bag while married to me!”


“You had an open marriage! He gave you money to spend as you please, free reign to do whatever and whomever you pleased, which in the real world gave him free reign to follow his own interests. If he happened to find a kindred spirit as he put it, it’s not your place to say who he spent time with. That old bag as you so ineloquently put it was a sweet eighty four year old who loved the shopping channel, playing canasta and lawn bowling. She cross-stitched samplers for her friends.  She and Sandy were involved with several philanthropic projects to help the poor and infirm in the city.  They didn’t have the time to fool around as you so gracelessly implied.  You wouldn’t know this because you were too busy spending your husband’s money on expensive bling, when there are so many people in Toronto don’t have food on the table or a roof over their heads.  What you did was totally reprehensible!”


Judge Julie laughed at me here. “Since when is shopping a crime?”


“No, not shopping per se; your crime was hiring a man to do the job for you. You didn’t have the proverbial stones to kill Mrs. Peterson, woman to woman. No, you got a man to go beat a defenseless woman while she ate her cereal.  Yes, members of the jury, the deceased was found face down in a bowl of wheat squares!” A collective gasp was uttered from the gallery.  I had the jury eating out of my hands.


“Someone want to bring the court back to order and kindly shut the defendant up?”


Jackie was right beside me. “You go girl.”


My abductor stood up, ready to put me in my place. I turned on him. “Want another can of whoop ass friend?” I raised my knee to show him I was ready for round two. He backed off somewhat quickly.

Julie was banging her gavel on the table trying to restore order.  “Junior, start shooting jurors. It’s apparent that we no longer have their cooperation.  Junior lifted his gun and aimed it straight at Karen.



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